It is a line that gets repeated in various manifestations, that is somehow, almost always, said without the intention to fulfill the meaning of the sentiment. “We should catch up soon” are often the last words you hear from someone before you never see them again, or if you do see them once more, it is never as soon as the phrase would suggest. It is almost as if someone sat there and devised the perfect phrase to feign an interest in continuing or rekindling a lost relationship, without necessitating the need for actual commitment. Sentiment without action.

Don’t get me wrong. I’m not becoming cynical, nor do I write this post with a particular scenario playing out in my mind writing in protest. In fact, the reason I bring it up is because of a completely different issue which I will discuss later in this post.

There is no doubt that there are numerous counts of  the sentiment is fulfilled every time it is said. In fact I know that a lot of the time when I say these very words, I had every intention of committing to them. But just as likely there have been an equal number of times that I have said the words with not a single inclination to even remember I said them. It all depends on how it was said, the context and well, quite frankly, who I said them to. The truth is, if I didn’t like you a great deal before you started to be nice to me after years of not talking, after my attempts to make sure you never found me again failed, what I am really saying when “We should catch up” is “I hope I never have to see or speak to you again, but so I don’t sound like a total bitch, I will extend a courteous, respectful invitation to keep you thinking I like you, when really I have always despised you.”

If you’re reading my blog now thinking, I hope that wasn’t me she said that to….rest assured, it probably isn’t. I try as best as possible to avoid the statement if I don’t really mean it. More often than not, I’m thinking of someone saying the “we should catch up” line to me, and wishing that they actually meant it. How pathetic am I?

Which kind of leads into why I started writing this post. I am reading this book at the moment, it was made into a movie and was spawned from an episode of an extremely popular television series from what i understand, as the television series has even franchised into two movies (though I’ve not seen the series or watched its follow on movies)

The book is really quite well written, and while generally I am not a big fan of books that can be found in the “Self Help” section at Borders, I had seen the movie and had heard great things from friends who had read the book I thought I’d see what they were on about. In essence, to see what magical powers this book had to offer, to see if my perception would change. That, and to have something to look at every time my mind went into overdrive dissecting what the waiter I passed in Melbourne Central meant when he said hi. Because while I know deep down he just meant hi, my lack of social savvy somehow will translate that hi into an I love you. Yes, I am a little insane, but I digress.

The book “Hes just not that into you” gives a frankly blunt, however amusingly comical and somewhat loving, account of what men are really saying when women are dissecting the details of what they never really said, or their inability to deal with hurting a woman’s feelings. The main message that I have received so far, which quite frankly I think most people know but don’t want to admit it is, that if a man wants something to happen, they will make it happen. And they don’t like being pushed to do so.

And I don’t think that this concept is at all new, or singularly applicable to men. I mean, the “we should soooo catch up” scenario is a testament to that. If it is said with any weight, then the person who said it will do everything in their power to make it happen. No amount of pushing from the other person is going to make them want to see you more, in fact it really pushes them away. Then again if the statement was said without the will to follow through, then it is said so as to not to hurt the other persons feelings. Just like no one want to hear that someone is just not that into them.

I will continue to read the book because I like the humor and the style in which it is written. However I am not feeling a sense of liberation or a weight being lifted off my shoulders as most followers of the philosophy would testify to. In fact, despite the many affirmations I have come across in my reading of it, the book is having the uncanny ability to make me feel particularly unattractive.

It isn’t because of the book has provided me with something I didn’t know before, it is simply that it provides me with a plain text reminder of the fact that no guy has ever been that into me. Well at least none that are encompassed by Greg’s philosophy.

It seems that hoping to be the exception will inevitably, and oh so depressingly make you the rule.

I swear not all my posts will keep this trend;

Chani xx
who wishes she could promise to maintain this blog with regularity, updating soon, but has opted to not make promises that she cannot keep. You’ll see another post when you see another post.